No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
