Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Randomize
