I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
