I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
