my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
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