We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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