i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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