Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
