Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
