worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
