All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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