If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Never joke about your clitoris.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
