I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
