bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
