i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
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my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
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I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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