You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Randomize
