I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
