I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Pants are for mortals
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
