my phone needs a breathalizer
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
