we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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