I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
