Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
