you win again, gameday.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
