It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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