Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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