Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
