i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I love having hate sex.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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