I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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