I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
