i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
