just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
