Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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