I wanna passion pit in your ass
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
