Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
