when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize
