I want you more than these girls want KFC
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
