If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
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