We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
