i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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