He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Randomize
