is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
