I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
