If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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