What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
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I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
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I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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