Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
