Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
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I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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