i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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