i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
