we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
