if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
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