I think I just saw someone hide a body.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
