I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
