turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
