I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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