Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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