OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
