Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
