I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Are we still banned from the library?
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.