the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?