Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.