are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.