new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
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I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
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you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me