My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
