i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
