I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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