Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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