I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
