Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
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