Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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