What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
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