dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
