Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
