you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
