please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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