a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
We left an ass print on the piano.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
