never play flip cup with pint glasses
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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