At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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